Parenting is hard. Really, really hard, right? Children are just hard work no matter…
5 Things Your Introverted Friend Wants You To Know
If you are like me, you have both introverted and extroverted friends.
If you are even more like me, then you probably do not have a lot of friends.
This doesn’t mean that you are hard to get along with or you do not like most other people.
It probably means that you really cherish those deep, meaningful and close relationships with your friends.
You would rather have 2 really close friends than 10-15 friends or acquaintances.
For introverts, close-knit relationships and meaningful conversations are some of the most important aspects of a true friendship, even if you do not see or talk to each other daily.
Even though you have close relationships with others who may be just like you (or not), you may still have some issues when it comes to opening up to them about certain topics.
Or maybe you cannot figure out a way to tell them without hurting them or making them feel bad.
If you are friends with an extrovert this can really become an issue. Not because you do not feel close to them, but because there are different dynamics of introvert/extroverts friendships.
I wrote a article called “7 Things your Introverted Would Rather Be Doing,” where I talk about the how the different personalities of extroverts and introverts can affect their friendship.
Sometimes you just want your extroverted (or maybe even introverted in some cases) friend to know certain things about the way you are.
1. It can take me a long time to make a final decision on something
If you ask me to go out, let me think about it.
Or if you ask me to go anywhere else let me think about it as well.
I really, really, try to hardest to not ever “ditch” someone when they ask me if I want to go somewhere. This is why I try to strongly think about things before I give an official “yes” or “no” after they ask.
Being genuine and true is a huge thing for me, not just as an introvert, but just as a decent human being. This is why I take my time to make a decision if I someone asks me to go somewhere or do something in the future.
That way when the day comes, I don’t want to back out unless something serious comes up.
But, on the other hand there are times when I make the decision to say “no” after thinking about it for a few days or so.
Please do not get hurt or be upset with me if I say “no.”
“No” for me could mean anything. Perhaps I do not enjoy the place you want to go to (or can foresee myself not enjoying it) or maybe I just do not feel like it.
This reminds me of the saying, “it isn’t you, it’s me.” We aren’t breaking up our friendship or anything of course, but I just want to let you know it is about me and what I feel comfortable with, and not anything negative about you.
Of course, I do know when I need to get out of my comfort zone and do something I wouldn’t normally do.
In my article, “4 Different Ways To Live A Good Life As A Shy Introvert,” I talk about how being a shy introvert isn’t necessarily a reason to say “no” to everything.
2. I love spending time with just you (and maybe one or two other people) at the same time.
Yes, just that. I love spending time with you.
This means that I do not like to be “surprised” with added people to our hangouts.
If you do want to add other people to our hangout, please let me know ahead of time.
This brings up things like small talk that will probably happen if you invite other people who I am not really close to. It can get awkward for not just me, but the entire group.
As an introverted and intuitive person (an INFJ to be exact), I really like to spend time thinking about certain ideas before I officially decide.
Those are just some reasons why asking others to hang out with us, without telling me beforehand, probably will not go over with me very well.
3. Do not feel guilty about (occasionally) bringing me out of my comfort zone
This might seem to go against the first two points I just made, but hear me out.
While I would rather stay in my comfort zone (hint the previous heading), do not mistake that for me not ever wanting to go outside my comfort zone.
Hopefully that doesn’t sound too confusing.
This is why I love having understanding extroverts as close friends.
They will push you just as much as you need it, and yet give you that space that you need as an introvert.
4. If I get really quiet for days or weeks at a time, do not think I am ignoring you
I do not talk to any of my friends on a daily basis.
It just doesn’t happen, whether it is due to being busy with work, kids, and everything else in life.
But it probably has more to do with the fact that I just like to be alone for periods of time.
I do not need constant chit chat or daily conversations with my close friends in order to be happy.
Of course if a friend starts a conversation with me, I would gladly converse with them.
I do not ignore them.
I just love to have alone time. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I am depressed or really sad- in fact, most of the time it probably doesn’t mean that.
It is my comfort zone and where I can really sit back and think about things in my life.
My alone time helps bring out the deeper conversations when I am with you, rather the empty conversations that have to do with gossip or something similar.
5. I value our friendship more than you probably think I do
Having a close connection with someone is really special.
And sometimes we forget or maybe feel a bit awkward to just straight up tell our friend that we really, really value our friendship.
To have someone who you can talk to when you really need it, be open and honest with, be funny and silly around or to just talk to is what almost any human wants and needs.
But for introverts especially we value those relationships better than most others even if we do not verbalize it to you.
I mean introverts do not typically just walk up to random people, make small talk and then *bam* they are friends.
It just doesn’t happen like that. Usually.
It takes a lot of work for introverts to truly make deep connected friendships.
Just because we don’t tell you, please believe that we truly value your friendship more than anything.
Introverted and extroverted friendships can be difficult to master if the two people are not willing to take some risks.
Or go out of their comfort zones at least some of the time.
Because introverts typically rely on deep, meaningful friendships in order to be 100% comfortable in the friendship, this can take some time.
It can also be uncomfortable for an introvert to discuss these things with their close friends.
Just being open and honest with others about things that may be difficult to talk about face to face is a step in the right direction.
What other things would you add to this list if you are an introvert? Or if you are an extrovert do any of these sound like something you do or think about?