If you are like me, you have both introverted and extroverted friends. If you are…
7 Things Your Introverted Friend Would Rather Be Doing
One day your extroverted friend comes up to you and says, “Hey, do you want to go out to the bar tonight? There is going to be a band with a lot of people!”
You freeze and take a deep breath. You, as an introvert, think to yourself, “Great, they put me on the spot, now what do I say?”
You probably panic a little and do not know what to say or maybe you stutter out some answer about how you have to go to your nephew’s birthday party.
The truth is that you do not want to go out. You went to work all day, and socializing with a bunch of other people, let alone in a bar, sounds about as good as eating stale bread, but how do you politely tell your friend that?
If you are like me, you probably have had moments where you stretch the truth and make up some silly answer as to why you can’t go. You don’t like to lie like that, but sometimes it can be hard to explain to extroverts why you just do not feel like going out.
And if you do simply tell them that you just do not feel like going out, they may get upset with you.
Cue the awkwardness….
Introverted and Extroverted Friendships
Unfortunately, these types of scenarios have happened to me. I have lost a few friends due to this type of disconnect between being an introvert and being friends with extroverts.
Maybe they were angry with me about consistantly saying, “no” to their invites (even though I would say yes and go to some of the invites). Over time it seems as though some of those friendships have withered into nothing.
It makes me sad- and it is partially my fault. Realizing that now means I have noticed a few things:
- I could have been more truthful and forward and just flat out said why I do not like those types of invites.
- It seemed with those extroverted friends, I was only ever getting invites to loud, noisy places with a lot of people involved. Yet, they would hardly ever invite me to a place more quiet and relaxed where I would have had one on one time with them.
When it comes to many other introverted and extroverted friendships there can also be huge misunderstandings and inconsistencies due to the difference in personalities.
There had to be something “there” for them to become friends in the first place though, right?
This can even be more complicated when the introvert is a shy introvert (read more about that in this article).
Being exhausted by so much small talk and talking to people is one thing, but being a shy introvert is a whole ‘nother level.
This can be especially true if one friend is an extrovert and not shy, and the other friend is shy and an introvert. Complete opposite personalities, so it makes sense that there will be difficulties in the friendship at least some of the time.
There has to be a deep connection between introverted and extroverted friends.
This means that each friend will have to make some sacrifices for each other if you want your friendship to survive.
While you both have probably had a long day and would like to relax at the end of the day, you both might actually have a difference of opinion on what relaxing means to you.
In order to give extroverts a better idea of what introverts would rather be doing than going out or hanging out with a large group of people, I decided to write out a list of 7 things that your extroverted friend should know when it comes to things you would rather be doing with them.
1. Netflix and Chill
I do not mean the sexual meaning of this phrase (or maybe so? Hey, I am not here to judge you). I can guarantee your introverted friend would rather be sitting on a couch with you, eating snacks, maybe drinking a few alcoholic beverages (or just water), and watching Netflix or a movie.
There is nothing better than sitting at home and catching up with a friend and just basically doing nothing except this.
The thought of going out to crowded places often times isn’t appealing to most introverts. They would rather sit with you and just talk and listen to each other’s conversations.
2. Go for a Walk
This might seem boring, but for introverts a nice, long, quiet walk just talking and catching up with each other could really clear an introverts mind. This also gives them a better chance to focus solely on you and the conversation between the two of you.
Perhaps your introverted friend has had a long day, and you as well, so getting outside and getting fresh air will do you both good!
3. Go to a Small, Quiet Coffee Shop/Café
Rather than inviting your introverted friend out to a bar or club, they would rather go sit with you and maybe one other friend at a small coffee shop or café.
Coffee shops and/or a café typically have nice drinks and good food, and there aren’t as many people as there would be in a bar or someplace similar like that.
If your introverted friend is a HSP (read more about that here http://hsperson.com/), they especially do not like going to loud, noisy restaurants.
I also consider myself to be a HSP- this means that I have a hard time going to places like loud restaurants (granted 80% of the noise is probably coming from my own kids), so I try my best to stay away from bar/restaurants.
4. A Bonfire with a Small Group of Friends
Instead of inviting your introverted friend to a large house party where there will probably be a lot of people, they would most likely rather be invited to a small bonfire with a few other close friends.
I cannot name how many times I was invited to large parties, but did not go because there would be too many people there for my liking.
I would have much rather been invited to bonfires with fewer people. With good food, good (and small) company, what could be much better than that?
5. A Concert at a Small Venue, Rather than a Large Arena
Music is great and creates a great connection between people. I think almost everyone can agree to that. Your introverted friend probably loves music as well.
That said, if you must go to a concert with your introverted friend try inviting them to a small concert at say, a coffee shop or something else that has a small venue.
I have been to very few large concerts in my life, and I like it that way. There are too many people, and in very close proximities at that.
I went to one concert at a very small club years ago and it was amazing. Granted it was packed, but it felt more intimate and once again, there were not as many people as a large venue would have had.
6. Go to a Museum, Art Exhibit, Library or Farmer’s Market
You do not always have to do things with your introverted friend alone and away from any other people.
Museums, art exhibits, libraries and farmer’s markets are examples of this and they usually are quieter compared to other places.
One thing that may come up in these types of activities is the dreaded small talk. Especially since at places like a farmer’s market or art exhibits, there will be other people there talking to you most likely.
This is where you, as an extrovert, could jump in and set the tone or take control of the conversation in the beginning. This can help your introverted friend feel more comfortable and relaxed in the situation.
7. Playing Cards and/or Other Games
Rather than trying to talk your introverted friend in to signing up for some type of sports team, ask them to play a one on one game of tennis with you or play cards or basically any other small game/activity.
Get a small, close group of friends, or maybe just you and your introverted friend and play something that gets your minds thinking and maybe your heart rate up if you are playing a sport.
Once again, communication is the key between introverted and extroverted friendships.
When there is a disconnect between certain friendships, things get weird, and often times the friendship will fail.
This doesn’t mean that extroverts have to cater to their introverted friend. Like mentioned in the beginning of this article, there has to be some sacrifices made between both friends.
In my article 4 Different Ways to Live a Happy Life as a Shy Introvert, I mention that introverts must do things that get them out of their shells at least some of the time. This can be the perfect opportunity for an introvert to try something new and exciting that their extroverted friend enjoys doing.
Trust me, you do not want your friendship to wither away and find yourself regretting not finding that middle ground between your friendship.
If you are an extrovert, what do you wish your introvert friend would know about things you find to be fun?
Or if you are an introvert, have you ever experienced this type of disconnect between you and an extroverted friend?
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