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4 Genuine Reasons Why Introverts Hate Making Small Talk
The dreaded small talk, yes a lot of people probably hate it, but especially introverts.
I would almost rather do something really embarrassing in front of someone than make small talk with someone.
Probably because small talk can end up being embarrassing for myself.
And not to mention ending a conversation after small talk or when you feel like you have run out of things to say.
How awkward that can be!
When I have to make small talk numerous times throughout the day, expect me to go home and go into my shell and not talk to anyone for a long while (except my kids of course).
If you are a shy introvert, small talk can even be more difficult and painful.
So how does this make sense that most, if not all, of our close relationships start out as small talk and then they eventually lead to closer, more connected relationships?
If introverts love having deeper, more connected relationships then wouldn’t they like making small talk?
So why do introverts hate making small talk?
1. It’s hard to stay comfortable talking when we do not consider you a close friend
Sure, small talk is usually just that. Small talk and nothing really more.
But like I said above most of our close relationships start out as small talk and then lead into closer relationships or friendships.
Or the conversation can turn into really personal questions that you do not feel comfortable talking about with an acquaintance.
For example, I personally like talking about my children during small talk. Only because I can keep up a conversation about them, but for other introverts they may not like to discuss personal things such as this.
If we want to to have a real, genuine conversation with you, we probably have to feel some closer, deeper connection with you.
Unfortunately, this isn’t really the case if you are just an acquaintance. Unless it turns into something more than that.
2. We may not be in the “right” place to make small talk
If you are in a large group of people (that I am not a part of), you can forget about making small talk with me.
Or at least do not expect me to walk up to you and make conversation if you are standing in a group of other people who I do not know.
I was at an extracurricular activity for my daughter a few weeks ago and I had saw a past coworker who I knew, but this person was in a large group of other people, so I didn’t start a conversation with them.
I wasn’t ignoring them, there was just no way I was going to walk up there and make small talk.
I knew it wasn’t going to be a long, more thought out conversation, so I let it be.
The conversation probably would have been more of a “hey, how are you? How is your family? Where are you working now” type of conversation.
If introverts have to make at least some type of small talk they typically feel more comfortable making small talk in a smaller, closer knit environment.
3. Small talk isn’t fulfilling for us
Sure, we may feel good after speaking to an acquaintance afterwards. I mean, at least we didn’t ignore them, right?
But, it doesn’t really give us that really good, meaningful feeling that we have after a more connected conversation.
As an example for myself, I end up thinking too hard when I am making small talk.
My anxiety comes through, and I keep thinking to myself,
“What I say something wrong?”
“What if I do not know how to end the conversation?” and so on.
I would rather sit with a close friend and talk about more personal and interesting things. I feel much more refreshed and energized with this type of social connection rather than after I make small talk.
I just don’t get anything out of talking about the weather with someone else.
4. It’s not only unfulfilling, but it is also draining
In my article “7 Things Your Introverted Friend Would Rather Be Doing,” I talk about how introverts get drained from having meaningless conversations, even with their own close friends!
So while small talk conversations for introverts are probably very unfulfilling, they can also be very draining.
For example, going to an event of some sort, where we have to make small talk with multiple people who we do not consider close friends.
So not only do we have to focus on making small talk with one person, but with many!
Excuse me while I hibernate in my room for two weeks straight after that.
But, just because a conversation can be deep and meaningful, it doesn’t mean that introverts will not eventually get drained from if it eventually.
Introverts can be confusing, right?
Let me put it this way: more meaningful conversations, less small talk. But expect us to need some time alone after that meaningful conversation so we can process about it!
Making small talk can be a bit discouraging for many people, particularly for introverts for many reasons.
But for introverts, it can be a very inconvenient thing that is basically just part of being an adult at some point and time unfortunately.
Although small talk can lead to some amazing friendships and relationships, generally small talk can be very nerve-racking.
Introverts can have a hard time opening up with people who they are not close to, and they may not even want to. That’s ok, small talk shouldn’t have to always be personal.
If you are an introvert, why do you find it so hard to make small talk, or do you not find it difficult? If you are not an introvert, do you enjoy making small talk with others?